Good Ole Boys … Gone Bad
Originally published February 29, 2020 – Happy Leap Day!
Buckle up folks, this is a long one…
Bubba was flying down the Waterlily causeway, heading over to pick up his buddy LeRoy. As he bounced along the narrow low lying road, he whistled a familiar tune.
Grumbling to himself – “darn that TV commercial, it’s got me whistling the Andy Griffith theme again”.
As he pulled into LeRoy’s gravel drive, he continued whistling. LeRoy opened the passenger door, pushing aside the stack of tractor parts to make room.
“So what are you so happy about this morning?” LeRoy asked his friend.
Bubba stopped whistling, eyeing LeRoy. “Well you’re whistling like Mr Bluebird over on the fence post”, LeRoy observed with a chuckle.
Bubba chuckled aloud, as LeRoy continued, “So I figure you’re either happy as a lark, or you’ve been watching Andy Griffith re-runs.”
“Nope, for your information, Mr. Smarty Pants, it’s that darn ice fishing commercial on the boob tube”, Bubba replied sharply.
LeRoy laughed as Bubba backed the old blue pickup out onto the main road. “So have you been reading the news online?” quizzed Bubba.
LeRoy smiled as he replied “I do, but I’ll let you fill me in on what you found”, giving his buddy a chance to share his new found goods.
“Well, I see where that fella in Moyock who’s running for the At large commish seat raked in a skiff full of loot”, Bubba started.
LeRoy quizzed, “Oh did he win the lottery?” As he waited on a response, he imagined all the hunting gear he and Bubba could buy at Currituck Sports with a big lottery score.
Bubba shot back, “Ha! Nope, some of those fat cat developers made it rain on the Moyock Dandy to the tune of 12000 simoleons.” He continued, “One of ‘em alone – from Maryland I think – dropped $5400 on that fella running for the commish.”
With a puzzled look, LeRoy asked, “who is that?” And then an even wider look of shock, “ Twelve thousand dollars?”
Bubba laughed at the look of surprise on his friends visage, “You really have problems following me, dontcha?”
Bubba continued, “The Moyock Dandy is that fella running for the commish seat against Ms Kitty. You know the Bloomberg come lately, with his newfound fortune.”
LeRoy laughed aloud, “Oh, I follow now. But I’m not sure he would appreciate being compared to Bloomberg, especially since as I recall, The Dandy IS a Republican.”
Bubba confirmed his prior statement, “and yessiree twelve thousand BIG ONES – big cheddar, greenbacks, cabbage, moolah…”
LeRoy interrupted his friend’s enumeration with a sharp whistle, “yep that’s a lot of wampum.” He then observed, “well with that kind of war chest, he should be able to run a heckuva campaign.”
Bubba did a spit take, the pepsi he had been drinking coming from his nose, “the first thing ol’ Moyock Dandy did was drop $2K on suits.”
LeRoy eyed his friend, “say what – how did you find this out?”
“Well it IS public knowledge – it’s in the campaign reports.” Continuing, “it was the talk of the McShell ‘old farts’ breakfast club the other morning as well,” Bubba noted with a chuckle and a wink.
LeRoy laughed, imagining the breakfast crew hashing the latest political news over a hot up of joe.
Bubba finished, “and then that Snowden fella scooped the Daily Disappointment, the Pilot and the Coastland Crimes, by posting the summary of the reports on the interwebs.”
Still shocked by the amount of the clothing expenditure, “with that wardrobe he will be quite the dapper commish, a true standout” LeRoy observed.
“Well old friend, as my Pappy said, ‘Don’t you think he may have put the cart before the horse?’”, Bubba observed. LeRoy chuckled, “that he may have very well done.”
Bubba “shoot, I’d say he bought the cart before he had the horse.” Then added, “I know the last suit I bought for my big butt was 600 bucks”, closing with a huge laugh.
LeRoy observed, “I’d be more inclined to vote for a candidate who erred on the side of frugality and shopped Wal-Mart.” Bubba asked, “oh, why is that?”
“Well obviously – it shows that he’s being frugal. If he’s tight with his money, I’d hope he would be tight with ours”, LeRoy observed.
“Well, I’m not really worried about his penchant for pinache”, Bubba countered. LeRoy lifted an eyebrow, “Oh?”
Bubba remarked, “yep, $12,000 from land developers is a LOT of political promises that may come home to roost at the courthouse.”
They both looked at each other wide eyed and shared a hearty belly laugh aloud as they turned off the Caratoke into Currituck Sports.
Dedication: these columns are dedicated to Bill Lewellyn, Jim Sparks, Cindy Newbern, and Susie Spruill. Please forgive my destruction of the English language by writing in the vernacular, but thank you for pushing us in our Currituck High School English classes.
Thank you to the readers who submitted ideas (you know who you are), quotes and a well deserved nickname for our newest aspiring politico. There is truly a little bit of Bubba and LeRoyin all of us.
Thank you to Fred Whiteman and all of our polticos for providing a “target rich” environment.
and finally … Thank You to my mom and sister for being the LeRoy to my inner Bubba.