A Currituck Christmas

Good Ole Boys … Gone Bad

Original Published in The Independent, December 2006

Our two worthies are nowhere to be found…

‘Twas the night before Christmas,
when all through LeRoy’s house

Not a creature was stirring,
not even LaVerne, his spouse;

Their stockings were hung
by the old wood stove with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas
soon would be there;

Buckshot and Magnum
kenneled snug in their beds;

While visions of ducks and geese
danced about in their heads;

LaVerne in her ‘kerchief,
and LeRoy in his cap,

Had just settled down
for their afternoon nap,

When out on the lawn
there arose such a clatter,

LeRoy sprang from his bed
to see what was the matter.

Away to the window
he flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters
and darn near ripped off the sash.

The afternoon sun,
hung on the horizon way down low

Dimly lighting the scene
which played out below,

When, what to LeRoy’s wondering eyes
should appear,

But an old Blue Chevy pickup,
packed full of hunting gear,

With a porkchop of a driver,
neither lively nor quick,

LeRoy knew in an instance,
this wasn’t St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles
his hunting companions they came,

He whistled, and shouted,
and called them by name;

“Now, Benelli! now, Browning!
now, Bucknell and Ruger!

On, Savage! on Stevens!
on, Remington and Lugar!

To the top of the dog box!
on over the sidewalls!

Now kennel up! kennel up!
kennel up all!”

As the sound waters driven
before the nor’easter they fly,

Leaving mudflats for miles,
all barren and dry,

So into the dog box,
the gun dogs they flew,

With a bag full of decoys,
and Ol’ Bubba too.

Leroy heard Bubba exclaim,
‘ere he drove out of sight,

“Happy Christmas to all,
and to all a good-night.”