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Not all of them were called by the Lord

The Bank Clerk & The Soda Jerker

Not All of Them Were Called By The Lord

“I see by the papers,” said the Bank Clerk to the Soda Jerker, “that a Baptist preacher over at Carrboro has turned three women out of his church because they went in bathing in a swimming pool with men. It’s the first time I ever heard of it being called a sin for men and women to go in bathing together.”

“But I bet it ain’t the first time you have ever heard of a fool preacher,” said the Soda Jerker. “That’s what’s the matter with the churches today – too many fool preachers forever raising hell on folks for little things like that. That’s why so many young folks shy off at churches; they kinder feel like they’re going to hell in spite of themselves if they believe everything the preachers say about ’em, and they’d rather take chances outside the church than in it.”

“Of course I’m not throwing off on the preachers here in Elizabeth City, take ’em all the way thru. We’ve got about as human and sociable a lot of sky-pilots as you’ll find anywhere in the country; most of our preachers around here are big enough and sensible enough to take folks as they find ’em and not raise hell because they don’t find everybody white-washed and fitted out with wings, harp and crown already for heaven before they get there.”

“But you take the country over and it’s different. Look at our preachers around here and you get an idea maybe preachers have reformed a lot since we were kids and got some sense; but when you read the papers and see the fool things they are doing and saying all over the country you’ve just got to change your mind again and admit the Lord still has a lot of jackasses braying for him.”

“You have a mighty flippant way of speaking of the Lord’s Annointed”, said the Bank Clerk.

“Lord’s Annointed ? Your Aunt Mitty!’, said the Soda Jerker with a grimace. “Who annointed ’em? Everything that’s called to preach ain’t called by the Lord, not by a long sight. A lot of these guys who think they have been called by the Lord have only heard a chicken squawk; they go into the ministry without being any better fitted for it than you and I; and after they get in it they think they’ve got to make an awful show of holy righteousness to pretend that they’re earning their salaries. That preacher over in Carrboro knows deep down in his heart that there wasn’t any harm in three decent women going in bathing with men; but that’s a way he has of trying to make an impression.”

“They tell me this preacher himself was once seen in a swimming pool where there were women”, said the Bank Clerk.

“I haven’t a bit of doubt about it,” said the Soda Jerker, “and I’d just hate to trust him alone even under a grapevine with a sister or a sweetie of mine.”

Originally published in The Independent
by W.O. Saunders
Elizabeth City, NC – 1908 – 1936

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